The title is scraped from the link text I used to describe an article I wrote in 2004, during my first semester of college. I think I did it to satisfy a creative writing class assignment, only it wasn’t particularly creative since it was true. Reading it now, I take particular pleasure in the bits about “violently opposing” government intrusions into the internet. (I miss youthful indignation, self-righteousness, and the joys of masquerading as a rebel.)
It is also poetic in a semi-tragic way that, within a few weeks after writing this and resolving to “make a lot of money while doing something truly worthwhile,” I was diagnosed with cancer. It’s been nearly six years, but it looks like I might soon start making good on that promise.
The following is copied verbatim from the internet archives of that article.
Understanding the spammer
By A Former Spammer
As a spammer, I never gave much thought as to what I was actually doing. My world was filled with statistics describing my latest spam campaign and the zeros to be inscribed on my check. I did not consider the work I was doing to be damaging to anyone because as a spammer you do not see the human aspect of things.
My average day would begin around 1:00pm. I would lazily wake up and stumble to my computer to determine what I had earned overnight. This startling effort on my part was followed by breakfast while watching the afternoon presentation of Law and Order and the occasional shower.
Eventually, after my lethargy subsided, I would get to work. Contrary to the popular perception, spammers do work hard. My goal was to make money by deceiving internet service providers who have a bigger bankroll than I did. I had do be both clever and unethical. Luckily, I had every advantage. Receiving a few messages about enlarging your respective body parts is considered a far lesser evil than not delivering that message from your stockbroker about shorting AOL Time Warner.
After coding for a few hours and trying a few minor changes on my messages, the message would eventually get through and I would exploit it until my computers would groan from exhaustion. After that, it would be time to reboot, load another mailing list, and spam some more.
While the computers continued to churn out my utterly misleading messages, I had the delight of dealing with other spammers so I can keep propagating my unsolicited and generally useless product. At first glance, spammers seem to have an innate friendliness towards each other but it is completely superficial. You have to manage to get the resource you are seeking from someone who perceives you as a further source of cash. Spammers will mislead spammers just as the mislead the Send To recipient. There is no honor among thieves.
Eventually, I would get my new mailing or proxy list and the whole process would start again. I had a routine and my bank account went up in cartoonist intervals.
If it is not already apparent, this is quite a job of a seventeen year old to have. My friends were all slaving away at the local McDonalds while I was sitting in my air-conditioned bedroom eating grapes in my boxer shorts. They were making minimum wage, I was making thousands a week. Also something to keep in mind, I was a mediocre spammer.
Understand, the majority of spammers enter the industry because it is so simple and for a decent programmer the entry cost is near zero. One of my first spam exploits utilized a popular web-based messaging service and twenty free http proxies resulting in $7,000 profit in a mere two weeks. What incentive did I have to stop?
Well, I am nineteen now and I no longer spam but I can tell you I still had no real incentive to stop other than my maturation. I no longer want to make money; instead, I want to make a lot of money while doing something truly worthwhile. Something ethical. This is by no means a message of hope to the internet community. No one should be so ignorant to state the spam problem will just work its way out or reach some type of equilibrium. Spam will not go away until one important criterion is reached; reduce the profit margin made by spam. Government regulation is not the answer. The internet started as a great democracy and I will violently oppose any attempt to remove this system. This is important to keep in mind considering the recent legislations passed by the United States government. The internet community coupled with good programmers and willing consumers can prevail in the war on spam. Ironically, I am now fighting on the side of the white hats.
Signing my name to something for the first time,
John B Nelson
